Recently my train broke down on my way to a job I had to do. The six-hour travel came to an end where two other passengers and I, decide to take a taxi the last 170 km because the bus never came that was supposed to get us further to the next station, and another train.
The taxi driver was a very nice and social guy, who we soon started some interesting conversations with on our journey north.
In the end of our trip he told me about his divorce, his children and that he missed his ex-wife very much, and he could not understand WHY she had left him. He told me that he had never got a good explanation he could be in peace with. No new man in the picture and so on.
When I asked him how his thoughts and the search for her WHY, why she had left him, was affective him emotionally and mentally. He said he did not take care of himself. He did everything for his children off course, but also tried to help his ex. with the hope to win her back. I asked him what would happen if you focus on your WHY instead of her WHY?- what would happened then? Everything became silent in the car. What do You mean, he said? “How much energy does it take to find the answer? - I asked him. What would happened if you just dont know and accept what is and focus what is best for you? – I asked him again.
I could see my question sink in and he suddenly looked relax, as an insight was relieved within himself. - “Then I would be the father I liked to be.” He said with a voice that even made me close to tears. He then told me that his father had died, and the grief made him very depressed. After that she had left him. And he said, - “I think she left me because I was depressed when my father died, and she did not feel safe anymore.” I told him that it might be that her “mental framework” and her needs, the need of certainty is the most important for her, to feel safe, stability, comfort and so on. And now she had felt uncertain and afraid. That might had made her escape.
So when he did not search for her WHY, he found the answer himself. “Now I know what I have to do and why"-he said with a certain tone in his voice.
When we let go and not forcing or looking for answers, still our mind and give ourself space, then the answers will come. So even if our emotions and feelings are there, and we find our circumstances challenging, the acceptance "what is" will make us proceed. To trust that we can find new solutions and the future will turn out ok.